


The Silencer

by thelostplanet



Category: EXO (Band), VIXX
Genre: Abuse, Action, Angst, Assassin - Freeform, Assassins & Hitmen, Betrayal, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Friendship/Love, Gen, K-Pop - Freeform, K-pop References, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Secret Intelligence Service | MI6, Spy - Freeform, kpop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-16 09:28:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7262401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelostplanet/pseuds/thelostplanet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And sometimes when you give your all, it takes a lifetime for you to realise that there is nothing left to take. Perhaps, that is how the world works.</p><p>Attack them before they attack you.<br/>Kill them before they kill you.</p><p> </p><p>Trapped between being human and a monster, the boy had been living by these rules ever since his life twisted upside down. He never wanted to be here; he would rather go back to where he came from and enjoy life like a normal teenager. But life was never planned out the way you wanted it to be. He's helpless and hopelessly lost, with no friends or family to guide him along. All he can do is to continue to live the life he never wanted and to play the game that he will never win. It's killed or to be killed. It'a do or die.</p><p>Can he really continue this tiresome life alone? Or will the walls he had struggled to build for years start to break down?</p><p>The past can never be erased, secrets can never always remain hidden and lies can never kill the truth. What happens when his past comes rushing back to haunt him and the truth screams at him right in front of him? Can he take it all?</p><p>After all, he is just a boy. And humans were never build to last.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: The Boy

**Author's Note:**

> Currently rewriting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a new chapter. I've just rewritten it! Hope you guys like it!

 

~~We call the shots.~~

 

 

 _"Me in that black and white photo, my world has spread black. I'm so tired, I'm so tired. Now I'm sick of it"_  
                                                                                        _-Colours, Day6_

 

* * *

 

 

 

**Prologue: _The Boy_**

The wind howled, blowing tiny specks of dusk into the air. Lightning striked, its piercing bright light asundered the darkness like a puzzle piece. The purplish hue in the ever night once again became subtle, then appearing rather slowly to the human's eye. Thunder clapped as if praising the malevolent weather which gradually died down like an echo. Although no stars were twinkling, the sky was dangerously beautiful. There was no soul in sight, saved for the boy who sauntered in a low-lit street. Even though the street wasn't desolated, it was eerily quiet. The boy strolled steathily nevertheless, his trained footsteps denying liberation; his body taut and filled with apprehension. From afar, what seemed like a metallic choker gleamed under the dull light menacingly. The trees, seemingly responded to his presence, rustled and swayed as the sky cracked once again.

The boy continued walking hurriedly. Not that he was rushing to somewhere but the boy wanted everything to be over. He wanted to have time for himself  before he go back to that place. He wanted all this to end so that he could have his own freedom, and return to his parents. As much as he wished for this, it would not be fulfilled. Sighing dejectedly, the boy pulled his hood up and stepped into the neon lit building.

 

 

The place reeked of  alcohol and sweat unlike the fresh air outside. the heat was oppressive despite the boy being at the entrance. The music was blarring loudly, so loudly that he could hear it before stepping into the club. Scrunching his face in disgust, he walked towards the cashier to gain entry.

"Hello, what do you want kid?" The wiry man grunted, folding his tattooed arms as he bit onto his cigarette which rested at the corner of his lips. In spite of  the obvious discontentment, the boy swiftly fished out his ID and replied decorously. 

"I would like to have the happy hour set stated on the board," he pointed at the board nearest to his left, his eyes never leaving the man's face. "Free flow of drinks today?"

The man leered at him suspiciously, then scanned dubiously at him from top to bottom. As if reading his mind, the boy swooped his credit card out of his pocket and flashed it at the grumpy man.

"I am of age."

"Alright boy, you may enter. Enjoy the night!" The man grumbled begrudgingly. 

Dismayed, the boy took large steps into the club, anxiously wanting to finish this job quickly. He squinted his eyes as numerous chromatic lights shone at him, the colours changing at every blink of his eyes. In addition to the pounding music which made his heart leaped, the boy felt sick to the core. This place just wasn't his style and clearly, he abhorred it. To much of his contempt, he trotted past sweaty bodies which tried grinding against him. Fixing his shirt, he cursed quietly and hoped to find the end of this crowd.

Much to his relief, he found a sofa at the end of the room and just as he was about to plop down on it comfortably, a girl in revealing tight clothes hooked onto him.

"Aren't you too young to be here handsome?" The girl purred, rubbing her breast against his arms, trying to get his attention. The boy was unfazed by this and merely strugged her hands off, face holding no sign of emotion. "Do you need company?" The girl continued pawing on his arms and crooned in her porpoise-like voice which became difficult to be heard. Her hands found its way to his neck and caressed the silver metal which rest on his neck. "The choker looks good on you," she whispered, "would you like to join me? Upstairs." She giggled upon the newfound excitment.

With an aggravated sigh, the boy turned to her, not looking down to face her since she barely reached his shoulders despite the high heels she wore. "I am not interested, thank you." he seethed, his patience wearing thin. The girl batted her eyelashes and said, "I'll give you the time of your life. Every man enjoys it. I'm sure you will too!"

While she was busy blabbering about how well she does her job, he caught a familiar black figure at the corner of his eyes. 

"Checkmate," he mumbled under his breath. Forgetting about the girl who was still gripping onto his arm and with his remaining free hand, he searched through his jacket for his gun although he knew full well that he will never leave his gun or go anywhere without a weapon. Albeit he forgot to bring his weapon, the man will not leave this place alive. 

The boy walked forward, eager to follow the man but he felt a light tug which led him to a halt. From his peripheral view, the girl struggled a cute pout and squeezed his arm tighter. With a scoff, the boy looked at her point-blank.

"Why aren't you looking at-"

The girl cupped her mouth and gasped in awe and horror. It took a few seconds for her to realise the fear which coarsed through her body, her shoulders trembling in fear and with shaking fingers, she pointed at the younger boy. "W-who are you?" she managed to stutter. The boy looked cooly at her and replied, "Mind your own business would you?". Rolling his eyes, the boy pushed into the crowd to find his target, leaving the girl who gaped like a fish. Finding a man in a crowd like packed tuna isn't easy but his obvious purple hair gave him away. Unlike the void of emotion on his face before, the tip of the boy's lips curled slightly. As if on cue, people paved a way for him, like 'the red carpet' he saw on TV. Walking towards the man, he scanned sitting beside him on the couch.

"Say, why did you come?" The boy took a seat on the couch next to the red couch the man sat on. The man looked at him quizically before reverting to the half naked girls on each of his sides. Taking a sip of his drink, the man soulessly laughed. 

"Same reason as you," the man gave a lopsided grin while he swirled his wine glass expertly. The boy snorted much to his abhorrence. Clearly, both of them are from two different worlds. The boy took out his silver metal lighter ardently and flicked it on and off repeatedly. There was a pregnant pause as the both of them stared at the flame burning passionately, eyes not wavering at the intense light. 

"Your wife isn't good enough for you?" the younger suggested, reverting his attention to the man and giving him an innocent smile, however not once looking up at him. _Two are needed to play the game._ The man, caught off guard by his sudden question, halted for a few seconds, jaws and fist clenched not long before he regained his composure. "Don't you know that playing with fire is dangerous? You can get hurt little one," the man whispered nonchalantly, gesticulating for the girls to leave them alone. Seeing the signal, the girls left their seats and sauntered away. After ensuring that the girls were gone, the man maintained eye contact with the younger boy. Despite the unwavering glare, the boy gave a small smile at him and continued flickering his lighter.

"You like playing with fire that much?" the man inched closer to the boy and continued," I'll tell you." He scratched his chin and carressed his chin as if he grown a beard while pondering his next words. "My wife... she is just a chess piece, serving in my kingdom." He took a sip of  his red wine and crossed his legs. "You are just like me, aren't you?" he grinned nefariously, "so young and already cheating your girlfriend?" The man shooked his head mockingly. The boy grinned humourlessly. _Two can play the game._ He made a 'tch' sound and scooted closer to the man, sitting next to him with utmost valor.

"Then which piece are you?" the boy said with sudden seriousness. The man arched his eyebrow, his face contorted in utter confusion. The boy chuckled and answered his doubt, "If your wife is your servant in your kingdom, then may I ask, which chess piece are you?"

The man looked slightly offended, however was quickly replaced by mirth. He rubbed his chin again and replied cautiously. "The King of course," he looked at the fire which began to bother him, frowning as he laid his gaze on the boy's hands. "Everyone wants to be King. Imagine the power that I will hold," he cackled wickedly at his imagination of his power. He returned his gaze to the boy.

"What about you?" asked the man, almost excitedly.

"Me?" The boy pointed at himself dubiously.

After another pregnant pause, the boy leaned forward next to his ears and whispered dramatically, loud enough for the older man to hear him. 

"In my kingdom, the King holds no power because I am bigger than the King. Just a flick of my fingers and everything topples. Without me, the kingdom falls." 

The man was taken aback by his answer. It was unexpected for the boy to answer him this way, almost as if he was possessed by an uncanny being. Fear was evident on the man's face, beads of perspiration rolled down his forehead. The boy blew out the fire and continued his speech.

"For I am the creator, I hold the power. The lives of the King and the knights are in my hands," the boy stood up and looked at the distant, "I don't obey the rules, the rules obey me. I play the game, while you," he turned and looked directly at the man, this time offering eye contact at the man, "cower in fear." 

With trembling hands, the man reached into his pocket for his pocket knife. Panic overwhelmed him, his breath quickened by a beat. Horror was written all over his face. The idea of escaping hasn't occured to him as fear manipulated his actions. The man stood up, ready to run for his life but the boy who was much faster than him, took out his gun with one hand and stopping the man from reaching his knife with the other, pointed his gun at the man's chest and pinned him down onto his seat. The gun which was polished many times, winked at the man precariously.

"Checkmate," the boy winked at the man mockingly.

"W-Who are you?" the man stuttered, shivering at the sight of the boy's eyes, "your...your eyes..." He blinked again to make sure that this wasn't a dream. He wiggled in his place and struggled to get free of the boy's painful grip. Gritting his teeth as he used his strength to free himself from the relentless weight laid upon him, he looked around to catch the attention of onlookers but to no avail.

"Don't worry, no one will notice you. Perhaps," the boy paused in faux thoughts,"until you die."

"W-what do you want with me?" the man stopped moving as his energy seeped, relinquishing to the apparition in front of him. He could feel the vehement desire to kill him exerting from the boy. "What makes you think I want anything from you?" the boy gasped mockingly with slight aversion, his gun tracing the outlines of the man's collarbone all the way to his throat. "You know what crimes you do: violating the laws conspicuously just for the sake of power, cheating on your wife, yada yada."

Shocked by the boy's knowledge, the man gulped and said, " How... how did you know? Who a-are you? You are so young... y-you can't be-"

"I'm 16," the boy cut in, rolling his eyes. "Any last words?" he moved the position of the gun to his forehead, resuming his pokerface, not wanting to waste anymore time.

"Wh-what's your name?" the man said, hopefully at the thought of changing the subject.

"Hongbin."

With that, he pulled the trigger.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Gosh guys, I took a really long time to update this chapter as I had to rewrite it and change the plot, thanks for waiting and thanks to all my new suscribers! I hope you like the new cover and the new design I created ;). I'm still not sure how to use this site but i'm trying very hard and improving for the best haha. Do comment to give me your opinions!

p.s should i delete the old prologue? (cause it sucks quite a lot)

love,

thelostplanet

 

NOTE THAT THE NEXT FEW CHAPTERS ARE OLD CHAPTERS, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

My updated versions are in this site: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1122749/

 


	2. Shadow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just rewrote it a few months back on AFF under the name of cityofgalaxy :D do take the time to read this again thanks ! xoxo

 

我指尖吉他的節拍 染上寂寞的純白

_Wǒ zhǐ jiān jítā de jiépāi rǎn shàng jìmò de chúnbái_

_"My fingertips strum to the beat of the guitar, tainted by the pure white of loneliness"_

_Sing For You, EXO (Chinese Ver.)_

 

 

**Chapter 1: Shadow**

_**Can** _ _**you see me, tired and exhausted?** _

 

The blaring of sirens cut through the once-silent night. People evacuated the club pell-mell helter-skelter to escape the fate of Ashton Grey. In contrast to the frenzied crowd, a boy in black leather jacket sat in the shadows on the curb of the road right in front of the club catching his breath. He took out his silver lighter, flicking it open and close. After realizing his boredom in his repeated actions, he pushes it back into his pocket and sighed, his palms face down on the gravel road and his legs stretch out. Red and blue lights soon filled his vision as cars screeched to a stop in front of the club. Police rushed out of their vehicles and hurriedly detained everyone who came out of the club, temporarily acting as a human barricade.  Some of the police tried to cordon the area, only to be pushed roughly.

"I don't know! A-at first I thought he was just drunk, but then I saw something red when the light shone on him and that's when I realised it was blood. I-i saw blood! It's blood, so much blood," the waiter stutters almost incoherently, gesticulating frantically about the incident, his shoulders shaking as he sobs uncontrollably. The officer who is taking his report pats his shoulder and smiles slightly as an act of comfort. "Thanks for your time. You should go and get some rest." The man nods drearily and walks off quietly.

"Sir, we have yet to find a suspect," the police officer reports to his boss.

"Everyone here is a suspect, continue questioning them and don't let any clues slip," he replies grimly, swipping his fringe to the side. The police officer nodded his head in understanding and trotted off to do his job. Ever since he arrived at this murder site, he cannot help but feel goosebumps protruding out of his skin. The feeling of the wind blowing lightly against his skin, embracing his entire being and slowly swallowing him into the darkness. It isn't the feeling of fear.

No, it isn't.

It feels like someone is watching him, it just doesn't feel right. It makes him light-headed, like there should be something he should be noticing, but he doesn't. It makes him agitated because it's crippling his mind and leaving him a bit off track. But he doesn't back down, not because of just some wind. Nothing can affect the famous commisioner who have a 100% success rate in closing every case. He isn't famous for no reason.

"Sir."

One of his subordinates, Daehyun, walks briskly towards him, pushing a scantily dressed girl who walks timidly in front of him. He raises his eyebrow at the sight of the girl, prompting him to speak up.

"She might have seen a suspicious boy hanging around Ashton before he died."

"Details, I need details." He folds his arms and taps his feet impatiently.

"He looks quite young. I don't know how he got into the club, maybe he is of age," she breathes deeply, focusing on how the boy looked like, " I don't know... But he looks too young to be in there. He is dressed in black leather jacket, black shoes... everything is black. The way he stares at people, it's just weird, I can't explain. All I can say is that, my gut tells me that he is dangerous. But it's impossible, he is just too..."

The girl does not continue. She looks horrified, her face pales considerably as she stares into thin air. The man, upon seeing this, clears his throat. "Is there anything else?"

"Umm no... maybe you can ask my colleagues. I heard that a few of them were gossiping about him, about how terrifying his eyes are. One of them said that his eyes is not normal. There are no pupils, it's just X."

 _Now this is interesting_.

The woman chuckles. "It's unbelievable right? A boy who has 'X' eyes, it doesn't make sense." Her breath hitches. 

"It's impossible," she whispers.

"Give me a list of your colleagues' names."

Over the past few years, dead bodies were found one after another in different places. However, he has not gotten any leads. All he knows is that they were done by the same person. Boy, whoever the killer is, he is good.  There were never any clues left. Despite that there was no evidence showing that this murder case is link to the previous cases, he knew it in his bones. Perhaps, this is a start.

 

_Who are you?_

 

***

 

It is time to go back. Dawn is breaking and a streak of sunlight perch on Hongbin's face, making him squint at the sudden appearance of  light as he strolls out of  the shadow. The city is filled with the hustle and bustle of  people rushing to work at this early hour. But unlike them, Hongbin is taking his own sweet time walking back, watching the crowd and the cars and honestly, Hongbin feels out of place.

The world revolving around him barely know of  his existence; they just keep moving on while Hongbin stays stagnant. He isn't even sure if he's parents remembered his existence in this world. They never once visited him and somehow, it bothers him because where are his parents whom he so truly believed in? Despite that, Hongbin tries to understand his family condition; that they will never leave their son in a sea of corruption; that one day, they will be back for him; that they needed money and thus, he is here. He tries to tell himself everyday that he will wait for them and in return, he will protect them and support them, even if it meant losing a home. Everyone has a home to reside to whereas Hongbin has nowhere to call home. How can he, call a place where he grew up learning how to kill people, a home? As much as Hongbin tries to convince himself everyday that "it's okay, everything will be alright", he can't help but think that what if  his parents knew of his existence. He knows that 'if' is a really dangerous word, but he cannot stop himself from crossing the line and consider deeply that _even if they knew, will they save him?_

Yet again, Hongbin tells himself that _it's okay_ because he knows that he is different and that even if his parents tried saving him, it is impossible. Hongbin has changed a lot to become someone he never imagined he will be. Who would risk their life for a mere boy who is not worth saving? After all, humans have their own limits and one day, they are bound to give up trying. Hongbin wants to blame his family for not putting an ounce of effort into saving him, but then again, he questions his worth and decides that _it's okay._

 He continues to head in the same direction, almost reaching his destination when he sees a candy shop which catches his attention. The candy shop has a plethora of  variety: each one of  them varies in different size, shapes and colours. All of them look tantalising and Hongbin has never seen anything like this before. He is mesmerized by the array of coloured candies and he didn't understand where the sudden urge to buy one of  them comes from. Nevertheless, he goes in, swiftly picks a rainbow heart shaped candy and pays at the cashier. Bewildered by the childish nature he was portraying, the cashier - an old lady- stared at him morbidly as he let out a soft giggle, his eyes turning into the shape of crescent. Oblivious to the weird gaze that he is receiving, Hongbin skipped out of the shop and pops the lollipop into his mouth. Without any last thoughts, he canters his way into the last place he will ever want to be at.

The Mathias & Co. building.

 

***

 

In the eyes of the beholder, Mathias & Co. is just another company which does successfully well in their business, prospering to new heights till the stage where they bought over their own building in the middle of the city. However, anyone working in that building know full well what they are working for - the secret service owned by the government namely House Of  Cards, also widely known as HOC. HOC is often partnered with the CIA and sometimes they are trained together.

At first when Hongbin found out that the HOC is placed in the middle of the city, he almost laughed out loud for their stupidity as the building is undoubtly conspicuous. However as he grew up,  he realised that it is an ingenious idea to hide in plain sight because the hidden are not hidden at all. _Because what you see is not what it may seem_ , that he learnt.

As he is about to step into the lift, the middle age woman at the counter, Samantha, calls for him.

"Hongbin!" She runs to him, panting loudly. 

"Yes Sam?" he replies, eyeing her top to bottom at her breathless state.

"Xander is looking for you," she pauses for a moment, taking a deep breath, "he is raging about something...about you taking a long time from your," she hesitates before continuing again, "job...you know, everyone is afraid of him. I can smell his temper from here."

With a loud dramatic sigh, Hongbin replied, "Ah that old man again."

This earns him a light slap from the woman in her motherhood. "Ow!" Hongbin rubs his back, faking his pain. "What was that for?" he frowned a little and gives her a pointed look.

"Respect your elderly," the woman in return glares at him which makes the teenage boy chuckles. "Alright mum, I will look for him now, see you soon!"

With that, Hongbin grins widely, waving at the woman as he steps into the escalator. As soon as he steps inside, his smile wears off and is replaced by his usual pokerface. He scans his fingerprint and his eyes before pressing a certain button which allows him access to the lift. The lift travels upwards and a loud 'ding' can be heard when it has reached its floor. When he saunters out towards his superior's office, he feel the heavy gaze of the office workers who have stopped typing away. Whispers errupts which is subtle but not imperceptible to Hongbin's ears.

"Look! The baby is back."

"How did he get in to HOC? With the loads of cash in his pocket? I doubt so it's with his skills."

"I'm sure he can't fight."

"Where is his millionaire parents? Ha, I bet they didn't want him and left him here."

That last comment catches Hongbin's attention. Although he knows that they say awful comments about him to anger him, he hates him whenever someone comments about his family member when they did not know them at all. He halt his steps and turns to look for the one who commented about his family. With his hands in his pockets and his eyes stick to the floor, he gait towards his 'prey'.

"What did you just say?" he growled, almost animalistically.

"Soooo I was right?" the American teased, grinning willfully. A tingling urge to punch him filled Hongbin as he clenched his jaws and fist tightly, controlling himself from the violence. The onlookers chortled at the sight and continue to whisper blatantly.

"Tell me, how did you get in to HOC?" he says with disdain laced in his voice. "Don't tell me, let me guess... Your parents' money?" he smirks, knowing that he has crossed the line. The onlookers gasp mockingly and continue to watch the drama. 

"You better watch what you say," Hongbin says darkly, his lollipop still in his mouth. He hates it when someone comments about his family, especially when they weren't true. Hongbin's parents were not rich. In fact, it was the complete opposite. They are struggling so hard to keep a roof above their heads and feed the current family of three, excluding Hongbin.

He hates it how everyone pretends that they know him so well, although they do not know him one tiny bit. Hongbin was asked to keep the 'rich family' facade, that his parents sent him here to learn how to be independent.  Scratch that, he was forced to because _we wouldn't want them to know, would we?_ How can a 17-year-old boy work in a secret service? So, he had to kept the facade of being weak and rich to keep away people from suspecting. He had no choice. However the people in HOC make it so difficult for Hongbin to keep up with his facade.

People, Hongbin thinks, are so full of themselves, often trying to fix the puzzle pieces by putting them in place, never realising that they have missed out tiny important details, thinking that they have already unraveled the world when they have not even figured out the big picture. In this case, the agents thought that they have already unravelled the world of Lee Hongbin.

"Oh, I'm sorry," the man gloats derisively with not even a tiny bit of sincerity, "did I offend you in any way?"

Just when Hongbin is ready to land his punch, a resounding voice channels into the air.

"Be quiet," a man in his late forties commands and the room immediately descends into silence. "Stop being immature, you are serving the nation, not studying in kindergarden," he glares at each and everyone of the workers before continuing, "do you have no work to do? Should I add more work to your work load?"

The onlookers quicky shake their heads and instantly march back to their seats obediently. Hongbin almost snicker at the sight but stops when he sees that the man has turned to glare at him.

"You," he points at Hongbin, "come to my office." 

The office workers, thinking that Hongbin has gotten into serious trouble, laugh triumphantly. Hongbin stomped into his office and openly sulks. He closes the door with a loud thump and sits on the comfortable orange chair in front of  his office table, turning it and swinging it to whichever direction he pleases. 

"You are late," Xander says gruffly to which Hongbin only replies with a "Hmmph".

"Can you stop turning the chair? It's making my head hurt," his superior, Xander dissuades, rubbing onto his temper. Compunction permeates in Hongbin as he stops his childish act, planting his feet on the ground.

"Did you finish the job?"

"Yes sir," Hongbin answers disgruntedly. He hates how the first question he ever asks is about the job. He understands that Xander is just trying to fulfill his job, however he just didn't like how the man disregard him and his welfare. Saying that Hongbin hates him is a total understatement. He loathes Xander.  To Hongbin, Xander is a heartless man who only cares about his career and making sure that Hongbin renders his job. Being his superior for years, Xander knows of the constant bullying towards Hongbin. Even with Hongbin's continual complaint, he stays idle about it and does nothing at all. Hence, Hongbin balked, knowing that his persuasion will only be shrugged off as 'attention seeking' or a 'childish act'.

Combing his grey hair back, the nearly-fifty-years-old man lets out an aggravated sigh. He pushes his black spectacles up his nose bridge which was previously hanging at the tip of his nose and continues to rub his temper.

"Don't you know how to behave?" the man asks, annoyed. 

"I always behave," says Hongbin innocently, "unless you did not take any notice of me." His eyebrows quirk up as he spins his chair again in disinterest.

"You need not talk back to your elders, do you?" Xander bellows.

"I did not, I was merely trying to protect myself!" Hongbin says indignantly, instantly planting his foot down on the floor to stop the chair from spinning.

"You are making the problem bigger although you knew they were mere threats," Xander speaks calmly, looking at his finger nails as if the matter did not concern him, and truly, it does not.

"But they were-" 

"Just go for your next schedule."

Hongbin wants to retort back about how unbelievable he is, but the words are stucked in his throat and all he can do is to fuss about it and throw a temper. The thing about Hongbin is, he always, always, always keeps his anger which places him in a "bullied" category, making him seem weak. Those 'categories' were what made up the House Of Cards - a social and power ranking. Not so surprisingly, Hongbin was ranked one of the lowest socially, almost like a caste system which left him almost friendless - powerless. Ironically, he is the most powerful person in HOC, physically powerful that the higher ups fear him. 

Silently, Hongbin walks towards the door but stops inevitably when Xander calls him.

"Please wear your contact lenses. No one is-"

"I know what I'm supposed to do," Hongbin cuts in indignantly, gritting his teeth in anger, "thanks so much for your 'concern'."

With that, he slams the door and steps out of his office, only to be greeted with giggles of the office workers. He sighs exasperatedly and uses his fingers to run through his hair. As much as he hates them, he has no rights to do anything. The most he would have done is to glare at them, however his contact lenses are not intact and he had left it in his room before the assignment. 

Before going to his next schedule which is training practice (he detests it a lot, who doesn't?), he goes to his room which is one of the highiest floor in the building where no one lives in, only Hongbin. In that floor, Hongbin lives in that one particular room. One would wonder why he doesn't occupy the whole floor and call him stupid but Hongbin has his own reasons. As he opens the door to his room which has not much furniture placed inside, he carries a box stacked on another pile of boxes and rummages through it to find his clothes. 

Hongbin doesn't own much - just a few pieces of clothings and a picture frame of his family. Other than that like his bed, he doesn't really consider it his because he did not use his own money to buy it. Seeing the few pieces of clothing he owns, Hongbin makes a mental note to remind himself to go and get some clothes before he is left with none. He sits down on his thin mattress supported by a metal stand, and appreciates the peace which surrounds him to which he realises how empty his 'appartment' is.

The three walls which made up his room is plain white except for the glass panel wall. That is probably the only connection Hongbin ever had with society; the reason why he loves that particular window so much because he can look out and see people without anyone freaking out, in another words, peacefully. In this room , he can be himself. He can let out his emotions, he can have time to think of his life. At the same time, he can enjoy the landscape view.  He likes to see that there are lives beneath him and to know that he isn't the only living creature, assuring him that time is constantly moving instead of his subconscious feeling that time is stagnant. He likes how the sunlight kisses his face and the clouds hover above in the sky.  It gives him a tiny bit of hope - to hope for a better day. 

Hongbin likes to think that the sky is his supporter; it is what keeps him going; keeps him hoping and whenever he feels like giving up, the sun and the azure blue sky is there for him, almost as if berating him of slacking and not finishing his duties. The memory of his family laughing happily hits him, rendering a paroxysm of adrenaline. He realizes how selfish he was to let go of everything and promised to give them a better life.

And that is what kept his heart beating.

 

***

 

Hongbin did not go for his morning training, instead he took a nap that he missed out on the previous night due to his job at the night club. Cupping his mouth, he yawns as the tears form at the brink of his eyes. He looked at the clock on the wooden table beside his bed and realises that it's thirty minutes before the next training starts. He make a grab for his training clothes and changes into it, not bothering to comb his curly, nest-like hair. Making use of his long legs, he takes big steps to the elevator and goes to the canteen to eat his lunch.

The canteen is filled with countless of agents, all eating with their cliques. The smell of coffee wafted into his nose just as he stepped into the canteen. People outwardly stare at him, following his every movement but after not receiving any entertainment from him, they continue with their breakfast.

"Hi Uncle, how are you doing?" Hongbin stands in front of the Japanese food stall and speaks in fluent Japanese. 

"Aye Hongbin, it's been so long that you've eaten here. I'm fine as always, how are you? Where have you been? Don't tell me you are skipping meals you silly boy!" he replies while cooking for a male staff in front of him. This man is one of Hongbin's favourite person. It isn't because they are very close or anything like that, but it's because he is one of the people that has been treating him really nicely and cordially. Hongbin does not have much friends, in fact, he has more fiends than friends.

With the massive amount of people who hates him, it is terribly hard for Hongbin to find a friend. Furthermore, his social circle is so small, like an onion ring. Okay, maybe it is a huge exaggeration. Like a gummy donut sweet. He isn't allowed to go out of this building unless he was given a job to do. Many normal things that he should do are restricted. He does not have the freedom he deserves. Hongbin tries not to think of what he can't do. Instead, he finds ways to do what he cannot despite how many times he tells himself that he does not deserve such freedom.

"I'm really fine Uncle. I was just really busy with my job and everything," he swipes his fringe to the back, revealing his milky white forehead. "It is tiring sometimes," Hongbin admits.

The Japanese man with a portbelly pours the miso soup from the pot to the agent's bowl. With a 'thank you', the agent leaves and carries his tray to his group of colleagues. Then, he pours one bowl for Hongbin and got him to sit on the chair nearest to his stall. Without another word exchange, the man named Taka rushed to his stove and prepared a meal for Hongbin.

"You should eat more. And don't think so much. Perhaps, you think too much. Overthinking kills you and I suggest you to stop it or it becomes harmful." Taka rubs his stubby chin and takes a sit on the metal chair. He watches Hongbin hungrily devours every nook and cranny of the bowl, as if he hasn't eaten for days.

"This is too good," Hongbin says with his mouth full, rice spitting out of his mouth with every word he says. "You should open a restaraunt out there! And then maybe you will get famous," he gesticulates wildy, " and maybe I will get free food."

Hongbin grinned evily at Taka who just laughed and ruffled his hair. 

"In your dreams. Besides, the pay here is good. Who will ever want to shift when I don't have to pay rent?" 

"Save your excuses, you just want to see my lovely face," Hongbin pointed at his chiselled face and smirked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Taka rolled his eyes. Sometimes, he cannot fanthom how Hongbin ends up here. He is too naive for his own good, too kind for his own good, too soft for his own good. Getting hurt is inevitable for Hongbin and that is the last thing Taka wants for him. He does not deserves all this treatment. Even so, he cannot do anything to help him but to stand idle. 

"Look at how you eat, you eat like you haven't eat in ages." Taka snorts at the ridiculous sight. Rice are all over the table and Hongbin is sipping onto his soup loudly. "You eat like a savage."

"I do not." Hongbin denies childishly, stomping his legs a little.

"Oh before I forget." His voice is muffled by the metal spoon in his mouth while he reaches into his back pocket, soup threatening to ooze out of his mouth. He unfolds a piece of crumpled note and puts it on the table.

The older man sighed.

"How many times did I tell you? The money doesn't matter boy, just repay me by eating more."

"But-"

"No buts. You are in a growing stage, you should eat more. We need you to be more handsome right?" Taka teases.

Hongbin pouted cutely, but he knows that aegyo will not affect this man's decisions. He returned to his pokerface and glared at him. "Ugh, why are you like that..." Hongbin grumbled, mumbling something about needing money for retirement.

"Hongbin."

Hongbin stiffened, he knew that voice all too well. Apparently, he wasn't the only one who reacted to his presence. The whole canteen went quiet. 

Without turning back, Hongbin continued sipping onto his soup.

"What do you want?" he asked, annoyed.

"Come to my office." Now all eyes in the canteen turned to him.

Hongbin mumbled incredulously, "Does this ever ends?"

***

"Hyung, the boy registered his name as Hongbin, with a credit card and a fake ID."

The comissioner pondered. How is it possible to create a fake ID which looked so real that nobody realise it's faux?

_Hongbin._

Himchan gulped. He had never seen anything like this, but being in the police force meant experiencing newer things right? He looked at his paper and said stoically,  "We questioned the girl who claimed that the boy has weird creepy eyes. She said that she was trying to attract his attention since he is handsome and his clothes screamed rich. No matter how much she tries to woo him, he wouldn't budge. Instead, he glared at the girl. That is when she saw those eyes."

"A CCTV at the entrance caught him. There was nothing really abnormal about him, except for his Man In Black concept, plus the cap he wore."

The Comissioner took the laptop that was handed to him and played the recording.

_Who are you?_

"It's weird, isn't it?" Daehyun spoke, "Why would he be in the club if he isn't there for  women?"

"Maybe he is there for drugs or maybe he is part of a gang," Himchan added, his fingers tapping onto his chin, the other hand busying with twirling his pen.

"Oh what would you know hyung?" Daehyun snorted, "Can we ever believe whatever you hypothesize? The last time we listened to you, I ended up on a bed drugged and handcuffed."

"That's because you seduced the wrong guy dolt!" 

"Who are you calling-" Daehyun was cut off by a deep voice that have not spoke from the start. A ghost of a smile appeared on his face.

"Oh what do you know... Expect the unexpected." He clicked his tongue.

The black and white screen showed three words vertically on the boy's neck. A tattoo, to be specified. It wasn't easy spotting it, it was so tiny on the CCTV that he had to zoom in just to see it clearly. How many people in this world would have a tattoo at the neck like this? He squinted at the words. Five other boys who was sitting on the rectangle table around him with their laptops and paper hastily gathered behind him to see the screen. 

"What's that?" The youngest man with brownish, blonde hair asked quizically.

**The 7 th Sense**

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes:
> 
> I know, it's boring. TT TT I'm so sorry that i took so long to post this up. i've re-written this like 9999 times and i can't come to conclusion which is good. And also about the grammer errors, i know there's a lot, but really, i'm lazy to edit it again Zzzz... 
> 
> Here's my shameless promotion for Monsta X and BAP even though this is a VIXX fanfic :P. If you haven't watch Monsta X's beautiful and BAP's wake me up, PLEASE watch now <3 thanks lovelies hehe


	3. Lose (Part I)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've just updated the complete part of the chapter :) Hope you like it!

###  _We call the shots._

 

歩いてた　傘もささず  つま先に落ちたのは  雨粒じゃなかった

aruiteta kasa mo sasazu, tsuma saki ni ochita no wa, bara tsubu janakatta

I walked without even holding up an umbrella. What was falling at the tips of my toes, weren’t drops of roses.

FTISLAND, To The Light (Japanese Ver.)

 

* * *

 

 

**Chapter 2: _Lose (Part I)_**

_Escape is my fantasy, never a reality._

 

 

_Two guards strolled down the empty hallway, hands gripping tightly on a young scrawny boy. The boy, despite his age, knew what was happening, yet at the same time, he was bewildered. He knew that he was captured but he did not know what the men want with him. He was just 6 years old, still pure and innocent. What would the men want with him? He was blindfolded with a thick piece of black cloth, his hands cuffed in some metal gadgets he saw it on movie screen when the good guys were trying to catch the bad guys. He could feel the cold metal touching his skin, creating a small friction whenever he tried to move his hands. If this metal thing was for bad guys, is he one too?_

_He stumbled and tripped, trying to catch up with the burly men' footsteps. Blame it on his short legs, he could not walk properly as he was manhandled. "Let me go!" He struggled within his bonds, shaking off their tight grip on his arms in a futile atempt._

_"What do you want with me?" His shoulder's trembled a little, but he willed himself not to cry. He will be a brave boy for his parents._

_"I want to go home," he sounded desperately, panic arising in his chest, his mind a blank piece of white. He had to get out. He had to._

_"Shut up boy."_

_He heard a door creaked open and the shuffling of feet. Soon, he felt the grip on his arms loosen. His blindfold came off, but not his handcuffs. The sudden white light diffused, rendering him blind. Slowly, his vision slipped in. He took a look at his surrounding, everything was either white or metallic. The boy felt fear tingling at the bottom of his stomach, bile surging to his throat._

_"Sir, we brought him," The guards stood at attention. Heart pumping in a capricious manner, the poor boy looked up, mouth gaping open. There, stood a man in a dark blue suit, his shirt neatly tucked in, almost as if  he was a business man. Except that he isn't. He had a slim, muscular and a symmetrical face; his hair had a rich, lustrous chocolate colour; his eyebrows had a strong arched. There isn't a single imperfection on him. He had that kind of face which would make girls fall for him in a second. The boy was stunned by his looks. He guessed that the man is used to people staring at him, since the man's nonchalent gaze on him did not falter. His vivid baby blue eyes pierced the boy, making him shudder. Feeling inferior, the boy timidly looked away, obviously not comfortably with the stares._

_"Where am I?" The boy tried to sound fearless, however the crack in his voice gave him away. The man raised his eyebrows and his lips twitched into a small smile in amusement._

_"Hello little one," the man's surprising deep voice resonated, a menacing glint in his eyes, mouth curling into a twisted smile. Reality began to hit the boy like a twenty-pound sledgehammer._

_"W-who are y-you?" the boy stammered, biting his lips, "where is Appa and Omma?"_

_The man was tall. Compared to Hongbin, the man was like a giant tree, towering over him, making him feel so small._

_"Where a-am I? Where are my parents? P-please, I want to go home." The boy pleaded for an answer but he was met with silence. Nevertheless, he never give up. His eyes lit ablaze with sheer determination._

_The man scratched his chin as he pondered explaining to the child. "How should I explain to you, little one?"_

_"Your appa and omma don't want  you anymore" The man deadpanned._

_Saying that the boy has pretty eyes was an understatement, they are beautiful and captivating. Tears began to well up in the boy's eyes as he thrashed around, attempting to get the cuffs off him. The boy wanted to get out of this eerie place, his mind twirling in utter confusion._

_The man in suit, strode towards him, ignoring his tantrum and cupped his hands on the boy's chin who immediately jerked and flinched. The boy was petrified, not a muscle moved while the man studied his facial features. He tensed at his touch and took in deep breaths to stop his tears from flowing down, looking elsewhere, anywhere, other than the man. He didn't want to be seen as weak, although he already felt so menial compared to the men in the room._

_"What's your name?" the man said softly, trying not to scare the boy. Then he knelt down and looked at him in the eye. However, this scared the young boy more, as he replayed the man's question again and again in his head, trying frantically to grasp it._

_"H-hongbin," the boy's voice cracked, fear etched in his voice._

_Silence._

_"Get him washed up." And with a snap of his fingers, the two guards began to pull him away out of the room._

_"W-where am I-I?" The young boy stuttered, big fat tears rolled down his face, his heart rate increasing erratically. The man looked slightly amused, mouth curling into a grin like a Cheshire Cat. He beamed so widely that Hongbin thought that his mouth might get stuck in that awkward position._

_"Oh my dear boy," he laughed maniacally, "welcome to Hell."_

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

"What is it this time?"

"Is this how you speak to your boss?"

"Oh please," Hongbin rolled his eyes. "Now are we talking about respect? Because I can spend the whole day discussing this with you."

His boss stayed silent, taken aback by his sudden audacity. He slammed a report on the desk in front of Hongbin whose smug face fell as soon as he scanned through the first few sentence of the report.

According to witnesses, it is said that a boy was seen suspicious in the club. He is suspected to be underage. It is rumoured that the boy have abnormal eyes although we cannot confirm this yet.

-B.A.P

Hongbin's heart was pumping wildly, he could not believe his eyes but yet he knew it's his fault. Finally, there is evidence about him. His mind raced frantically, speechless beyond words. Tongue tied, he could only stare at the report, baffled.

B.A.P is one of the most famous and successful team led by the Commissioner himself. They were a group of Korean men who made their way to the top of the hierarchy. Wherever you are, be it the police academy, you would have at least heard of B.A.P.

Xander eyed Hongbin cautiously. The boy showed no emotions; no fear, no guilt.

"Explain. What is this?" Xander stood up with so much force that his roller chair toppled with a loud thud, his voice scarily calmed.

Hongbin was a bit terrified. He have not seen Xander this angry before. Yes, he did get scolded from Xander before, but it wasn't this scary. He was too silent to be angry.

"Explain to me. Didn't you have many things to say before this?" Xander almost shouted. He walked closer, decreasing the distance between him and Hongbin, his thighs touching the glass table.

Hongbin said nothing. He lowered his head as he didn't know how to explain his blunder. It was his fault indeed. How could he forget?

"Nothing to say?" he paused, waiting for an answer. Hongbin could see his jaw tense as he tried to fight back his anger.

"Let's start from your carelessness. How many times have I reminded you to wear your contacts?" His voice increased as his face became a shade of red. If Xander wasn't this angry, then maybe Hongbin would have laughed.

Xander brought his hands to his face and rubbed it grumpily. There was silence as none of them said anything. The silence was so intensified that Hongbin could hear his own heartbeat. He had to remind himself that the buzzing near his ear was not anything else but silence.

There was a sigh. A sigh giving up.

"Get out," he growled.

And Hongbin knew better than to not follow orders.

 

***

 

Xander was trying hard to keep his cool, tapping his foot on the hard floor to forget his anger which was on the verge of exploding.  He never liked that teenager - always stirring trouble for him, always putting his job on the line, always having to babysit him, as if he wasn't already busy enough. As much as he hate to admit it, the boy was something. He was good at what he does, a natural, that's what they call. He is his best agent, not to mention that he is the youngest. At first, Xander did not believe that this young boy could actually even kill a fly. He was so innocent when he first arrived here, eyes as big as the moon, baby fats still clinging onto his cheeks, the childish spark still lit up in his eyes.

One could see that Hongbin was a ball of sunshine. He didn't belong to this dull and dreary place which was splattered in black and white, cool metal and glass covering the entire building. Hongbin belonged to a place where the sun shines everyday, not where lightning strikes and dark clouds hovering his world. He belonged to a place where vivid colours flooding the land and iridescent sky always existing, not here where only the monochrome sky could be seen.

He should be going to school, enjoying his teenage years, breaking rules, getting himself wasted. Rumours had it within the higher ups that he was sold to the HOC, but it was too surreal. Why in the world HOC would want a boy? Xander was told that Hongbin isn't a normal schoolboy, he was strong and fast, and not really human. Obviously, he didn't believe it at first, who in the right mind would believe that the cute little boy could assassinate 8 grown men in less than a minute?

It dawned on Xander that the boy didn't belong anywhere. He was an anomaly standing out from his peers, jutting out dangerously from the y-axis and x-axis. He was like a black stain on a white shirt, a stark contrast that stands out conspicuously. And yet no one noticed him. Funny how he can survive, attracting people with his eyes and repelling them with his dark aura. It's like he was either here nor there. He was in the middle of good and bad, innocent and dangerous, perfect and imperfect, child and adult, alive and dead at the same time. But then again, one couldn't live without the other. The darkness cannot exist without the light. The tainted cannot exist without the pure. The dreamers cannot exist without the realists.

Isn't it better if he didn't exist at all? Because there is no such thing as an in between. Nobody can live on both sides. It's either surviving or dying.

 

***

"Binnie-ah, don't you know what time is it now?" An arm sling over Hongbin's shoulder.

"I know." Hongbin tried to shrug the arm off, but he was instead held in a headlock. "Leave me alone hyung!" He whined and frowned, using his strength to get the bright red haired man's hands off to no avail. Left with his last plan, he brought the man's arm nearer to his mouth and bite him. Despite Hongbin's agility, this man was also fast, loosing his grip on Hongbin and jumped in shock.

"Ew Hongbin, how can you do that to your hyung?" The man shrieked dramatically, blowing his skin as if Hongbin bit him. Hongbin rolled his eyes at the older man.

"Don't exaggerate, I didn't even bite you," Hongbin smirked, an idea forming in his head. He trotted to the man who was still trying to blow his arm and bid his upper arm, pretending to chew and grind at it. The older man let out a girly scream.

"Get off me you child!"

Hongbin doubled up in laughter, holding onto his stomach as tears welled up in his eyes. "Oh my god... oh my... did.. did you see your reaction?" Hongbin said with much difficulties as his laughter threatened to take over again. The man scrunched his nose in disgust, his eyebags evident.

"If I knew you were an inner pervert, I would have made a fuss about accepting you into EXO-M," the man shuddered as he spoke. 

"Sometimes I really wonder why you are accepted into EXO-M, did you even hear yourself scream?" Hongbin teased, a wide grin plastered onto his face. "I should have taken a video and show it to duizhang."

The man's scream replayed in his mind again, making him snicker. "What's so funny?" the man who resembled a panda squinted his eyes at him.

Hongbin shrugged nonchalantly and replied with a lopsided grin. "Nothing."

"You are so going to get it from me Lee Hongbin."

"Ooooh I'm so scared Tao-ssi."

"You should be." Tao smirked, a playful glint twinkled in his eyes. "See you later for training my dear Hongbin." He pinched Hongbin's cheeks, to which Hongbin thrashed violently, slapping Tao's hands off his face. Tao sticked out his tongue playfully and winked before sauntering off instantly to avoid Hongbin's revenge.

Then it hit Hongbin like a twenty-pound sledgehammer, his eyes widening in mock horror.

"Did he just said training?"

 

***

 

Hongbin really likes Tao. He likes how they always tease, bicker and fuss about each other. Call it childish. Call it immature, but Hongbin doesn't care. He doesn't care because it made him feel normal. It reminds him that he used to have a life like this before it all changes. He cannot describe it all, his memories were just too vague, just bits and pieces from different occasions and then a white blank. Hongbin tries to live without those memories, nevertheless, they always piqued his interest. He could live without them, knowing that some of his memories were unpleasant, but nothing could feed his perpetual desire of knowing if he had lived a better life before. 

Even with that knowledge, what can he do about it? Time was not, was never, in his hands. He cannot rewind time like adjusting a clock with a twist and a turn.

It is not that simple.

Nonetheless, Hongbin wished upon a shooting star, and he wished so hard, hoping that it was like those fiction stories whereby the main character times travels to the past inadvertently, mending the mistakes that they made and have a happy ending. Why create false hope when there is never any? A shooting star granting wishes was nothing more than a fiction, a myth created for those who had nothing left but faint hope. 

People would have to accept that stars are just merely balls of hydrogen and helium clumped together. They were nothing more.

As much as Hongbin loves Tao and stars, he hated Tao's training.  He could already see the sadistic smirk plastered on Tao's face, eyes shaped in crescents, a shade of black transcending his natural brown pupils. Hongbin grimaced at the thought of it, mentally preparing himself for the worst.

He glanced at the clock on the white wall and trotted down the passageway as he realised that Tao's training is about to start. Tao would definitely, blithely, punished him for his tardiness. Trust Hongbin, Tao's punishment is cruel, abhorrent, abominable, arduous—whatever you can call it. It is way more horrible than Hongbin's writing, which was simply attrocius - illegible.

As he stepped into the gargantuan hall filled with copious machines and dumbell; a combat stage; a running track covering the entire corner of the room, the whole room which was initially raucous tumbled into deep silence, some of his colleagues glowering at him while others stared nonchalantly. Light glimmered in from the broad window—making him squint at the sudden intrusion of sunlight—which expanded from one end of the room to the other, just like his personal floor. It is almost grandiose, except that this was a training hall, not a ballroom.

"Oh Hongbin!" Tao smirked coyly, looking down at his watch. "You are one minutes late."

Hongbin immediately scowled, mumbling under his breath. "You know what happens when you are late, right?" Tao sing-songed, his eyelashes fluttered at him, irking Hongbin more. 

"Hmmm..." Tao wondered aloud, his eyes gleaming brightly, "Since one minute have 60 seconds, drop down and do 60 push-ups."

  _Stupid panda, I will get back at you for making my life a living hell,  you watch it._ Hongbin mouthed to him, his thumb went across his neck like a knife, signalling to Tao his impending doom. Tao flipped his non-existent hair nonchalantly, knowing that Hongbin could not do anything now, grinning at him contentedly. Hongbin gritted onto his teeth as he started his punishment. The rest of the agents gave a contemptuous smirk, whispering to each other with looks of disgusts in their eyes.

_He deserves it._

_He's disgusting, he doesn't deserve to be in the company._

_He came in the easy way._

_Loser._

Each word was like a sharp knife piercing into his heart, twisting and pushing the knife further into his flesh, rendering a bitter sensation. Despite the harsh comments, Hongbin feigned ignorance.

After finishing his punishment, he dusked the dirt away from his hands hastily, wiping the non-existent sweat on his forehead.

“So,” Tao spoke. His voice reverberates in the atmosphere, hushing the whispers. Then, he clapped his hands and gave a childish grin.

“Warm up? Ten rounds everybody, chop chop!” He shooed everyone to the running tracks as he took out his phone and sat on a plastic chair that he brought from Hongbin’s room – Hongbin’s one and only white plastic chair.

Hongbin rushed to Tao, grabbing fervently onto the hem of his shirt, and them gripping hard onto his collar.

“Why did you take my chair?” Hongbin growled in exasperation, making sure that other agents will not be able to hear to their childish banter. Tao simply simpered, his eyes crinkled into crescents, pleased that he managed to vex the almost cold-hearted boy.

“Hongbin, we get that you are rich, you don’t have to flaunt your wealth in front of us by bribing our instructor, just because you cannot run ten rounds on the tracks.” An agent sneered, his voice dripping with rancour. He had dirty blonde hair which was aligned properly with gel, his fringe towering over his eyes. He had that kind of eyes that no one would miss—the kind that girls will get lost in—the kind of eyes that girls are dying for. His eyes had a deep shade of blue, his eyebrows were clearly defined, just like those models who ruled the magazine’s glossy cover page. Except he did not walk on the runway. He did not live under the nose of cameras.

The rest giggled with vehement enthusiasm. Hongbin did not miss the animosity hidden behind their gaze, gnawing into his soul as it slumbers into darkness. It was as if they knew what was behind that façade that he was trying so hard to hide. Hongbin bit onto his lip to prevent himself from retorting or even resulting to violence. He had to act weak.

“Enough.” Tao spoke, sensing the aura darkening around them. He asserted his dominance over the agents, reminding them of the warm up that they were asked to complete. “Please continue with your warm ups.”

The group continued to glower at Hongbin wilfully, a deluge of enmity overwhelming them. They stomped off to the tracks and started jogging.

“Phew!” Tao wiped the sweat off his forehead (which was never there in the first place). “That was close to Doom’s Day,” he joked, an effort to cheer up Hongbin who appreciates it a lot. Hongbin let out an inaudible sigh, looking down at his shoes as he wiggled his toe, trying to let his thoughts wander. He felt a pat on his shoulder and an arm slipped on it.

“You do know that you still have to run right?” Tao snorted, tapping his fingers on Hongbin’s black cotton hoodie. “You can’t escape me, my child.”

Hongbin exhaled out at the thought of running, then his face morphed to a scowl. “I’m not your child, mind you.”

“Come here child, let mummy kiss you before you go.” Tao grabbed onto Hongbin’s face as he pulled him in--making kissy faces at him--attempting to kiss him. Hongbin swatted his hands away in hysteria, trying to get out of his grasps. Hongbin even tried kicking him, which failed epically because Tao clung onto him like a big baby. He glanced around, hoping none of the agents saw the embarrassing position they were at.

Alas, Hongbin decided to give up and not-so-willingly allowed Tao to kiss him.

“Yuck!” Hongbin furiously cleaned the wet spot where Tao kissed, his face scrunched up in revulsion. “Ge, never do that again. I swear to God if you did that, I will make your life a living hell.”

Tao cackled childishly. “Karma is a bitch my child.”

“Imagine if someone sees it. What will they think of us? Their instructor kissing the guy whom everybody hates. Do you know what that means? It means-” The younger man gesticulated wildly, pausing when he realised something.

“Don’t. Ever. Call. Me. Child. Again.” He poked Tao’s chest as he said each syllabus with clarity. Tao pouted, rubbing his chest in mock pain.

“Chill child-

“TAO!”

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have yet to write finish this chapter, let alone come up a name for this chapter. I feel that a chapter's name is really important. It just sparks the readers more! Hope you like it ! Thanks for all who kudos and bookmarked this story <3 it really motivates me to write more !!


	4. Lose (Part II)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've edited the previous chapter last time as i've stated that i have not finish it last time. If you haven't read it, pls do :-)

**The Silencer**

_We call the shots._

 

이 잘난 세상엔 실수조차 큰 죄가 돼

 I jalna sesangen silsujocha keun joega dwae

In this arrogant world, even mistakes become big sins.

_Xia Junsu, Flower_

 

 

**Chapter 2: _Lose (Part II)_**

“The boy never cried again, and he never forgot what he'd learned: that to love is to destroy, and that to be loved is to be the one destroyed.” 

Cassandra Clare, City of Bones

_“There was once a boy who would do anything for his loved ones; he gave and he gave until he had nothing left. So, he sacrificed himself to the darkness.”_

_“What happened after that Omma? Did the boy see the light again?” the boy asked, hopeful. The wind was howling robustly, what was just a drizzle had now escalated into a cloudburst. The sky was coloured with an obscure periwinkle, dark clouds gloomed over the night sky, forming a cloak over the moon that was once shining brilliantly._

_“No, he did not,” the woman spoke mildly, patting a child’s head – one that is not Hongbin._

_“Why Omma?” the boy pouted, sincerely disheartened. The woman remained impassive as she continued stroking the child’s hair who was simply too young to understand anything._

_“No one saved him.”_

 

 

If someone was asked a calculus question, he could probably answer it right?

He could, unless that someone was Hongbin. He had barely learnt the basics of logarithm, which also basically meant that he did not understand the rest of the topics.

Hongbin did not receive much education. In a matter of fact, he has not studied ever since he left home. He was only forced to memorise details of different weapons, a few rules and of course, his identity that constantly varies time after time. Mathias did not see the need to let him continue his education since being an assassin does not really require a deep understanding of science and math, just the basics of it was enough to keep him alive.

He, too, had not used a pen or pencil ever since that very incident which cost him his finger and the very day which he took an innocent life away. It was his fault—not really—but Hongbin would like to think it is. It was that faithful day when Hongbin had just turned eleven. It was his first kill.

It was Hongbin’s birthday. Little Hongbin could not help but to think that it was a special day - _his_ special day. His cheek muscles strained from grinning so widely, but he could not restrain himself from being ecstatic. Skipping down the mundane hallway thinking—hoping—that today would be a better day, his short skimpy legs came to a stop right outside a grey door. In young Hongbin’s opinion, the colour was awfully _ugly_. It held no warmth, no sign of humanity; nothing but just a dull already awful place. Normally, he would probe the same old question to himself: why do they not paint this place? But today was a special day.

Hongbin could not care less of the colour. Instead, he took liberty to open the door without knocking (he always does). Inside the almost-hyperborean room sat a placid man who was none other than Mathias. The room was terribly empty. There was almost nothing, considering that there was only one metal chair placed in the middle of the room where Mathias sat. His face morphed into surprise, which was quickly replaced by his usual bored look. Even Hongbin was astonished by his own behaviour. Hongbin was hit by a wave of musky smell and although uncomfortable by the horrible smell, he did nothing to show his distress.

“Ah, I’ve been waiting for you, little one! Come in!” The man crooked his index finger, gesticulating for the boy to walk in. He sounded slightly amused, though his facial expression said otherwise. He crossed his legs as he leaned back onto the metallic chair, his feet tapping on the ground impatiently while waiting for Hongbin to make his way.

“Aren’t you a little too happy today, my dear.” The man clasped his hands, his eyes burning into Hongbin’s soul. There was an interlude, followed by a sudden clap of hands.

“I have a present for you, since it is your 11th birthday today.”

Hongbin has never received any presents, not even from the life that he left behind. Saying that Hongbin was thrilled was an understatement, he was over the moon. And he thinks he can never get back down to Earth after his heart leaped a thousand feet upon hearing the word ‘present’. His eyes sparkled with pure elation, he was giddy from the (senseless) ebullience that soared from the pit of his stomach which flipped endlessly.

“Bring him in!” the older man shouted impatiently.

At his command, two sturdy-built men manhandled a scrawny man who was covered in dirt and dust, his clothes torn and tattered; one of his shoes was not at where it should have been. Hongbin was so sure that the man could be in his early thirties if it was not for the bristle that had grown on his chin. Neither of the men cared to lift him up; they’d just dragged him across the hallway and let his lanky body slumped on the floor. The man in his early forties, seemed to be unconscious, but his quick breathing and heaving gave him away. His muscles were burning and twitching from the torture that he received, his brain was hazy and lightweight; he felt like having a really long sleep – he was tired. Yet, he managed to hoist his drooping head up, and to his bewilderment, a boy stood in front of him.

Hongbin’s eyes widened a fraction when the man shifted his gaze at him, a gasp leaving from his mouth. He did not know who the man was, and how he got here. The only thought lingering was why in the world was the man being presented to him?

He gasped when he felt cold metal pressed against his cheeks. Deep down, he knew what that object was, but he wished it wasn’t what he was thinking. He didn’t dare to look sideways, not until he felt a harder push on his cheeks.

“Shoot him.”

Mathias’ voice reverberated across the room, rinsing the room of silence. It wasn’t just Mathias’ voice that could be heard, but also the erratic pumping of Hongbin’s heart. There was a deafening drum roll—a parade perhaps—thumping in the abyss of his heart. (Hongbin was so sure that he wasn’t the only one who could hear it.)

“Shoot him!” Mathias asserted, articulating his command.

Little Hongbin could feel bile spiral up his throat, his heart clunked with conscience and wrung contrition. Fear gripped his entire body like shackles, rendering him motionless. Fear was like a sledgehammer, knocking his rationality six feet under, just like how his conscience was struggling to stay afloat. He could hear the saint in him; demurring and restricting him from grabbing the gun.

A sharp sting tingled on his cheeks, followed by the chain reaction of his head swaying in the direction according to Newton’s Law and the natural reaction of cupping them. His eyes welled up in tears as he rubbed the stinging pain, his lips parted a little from shock and stupor.

“Do you remember what I taught you?”

Hongbin nodded his head timidly. The older man grabbed onto his face forcefully, causing Hongbin to face him unwillingly.

“Do you?” He raised his voice and tightened his grip, while Hongbin trembled abysmally, avoiding the man’s piercing gaze; which was shooting lasers at him and Hongbin thought that he could combust at any moment if he were to stare back at his bloodshot eyes.

Mathias appeared to be an intimidating figure to Hongbin, especially when he was fuming. He had the kind of uptight disposition that can evoked an inexplicable uneasiness in Hongbin’s core, threatening to smolder him into ashes.

“Do it,” Mathias chided, sliding the gun, tracing his tattoo at his neck then to his temper. “Do it, before something bad happens.”

“We both know that you will not be the only one hurt.”

Disheartened, the Korean boy lowered his gaze and reached for the gun that Mathias held. Inadvertently, he aimed at the poor man who looked at Hongbin pitifully. Hongbin let out a shaky breath, placing his small finger onto the trigger. The man stared unwavering at the barrel of the gun, as if telling Hongbin to shoot him already, accepting his fate although he was clearly appalled that he had to die in the hands of a young boy.

_Please forgive me…_

Hongbin shut his eyes, getting ready to shoot the man. However, he did not have the heart to pull the trigger. He opened his eyes and gulped wearily. From the corner of his eyes, he could sense that Mathias was growing impatient.

_Shoot him Hongbin. For Omma, for Appa._

No matter how much he tried to be selfish; to think for himself and his family, he could not help but to think of the innocent man in front of him. Contrition bubbled within him and every time he tried to pull the trigger, it got stronger.

_Doesn’t he have a family too? If I killed him, then who would be their father? I can’t be selfish._

A sudden clank woke Hongbin from his train of thoughts. Still a little distorted, it hit Hongbin that his gun that he was holding loosely before had dropped from his grip.

“You worthless piece of shit, you can’t even do this right!” Mathias roared, distraught. He hauled out a knife and gave Hongbin a hard blow on his skull with the butt of his knife.

His visions blurred, black spots forming but he could not assimilate the pain which was like a crack to his head. He naturally grabbed on the side of his head which was starting to pound. His knees touched the ground, one of his palm held support onto the floor, keeping him from falling face flat.

“Didn’t I warn you that it will hurt? And yet, you screwed it up, my dear boy.” He caressed the boy’s cheeks where his baby fats still clung onto. He could see that the boy was on the verge of crying, his shoulders tremored with trepidation.

“I guess you do not remember what I have taught you.”

Hongbin shook his head furiously and stammered. “Y-yes, I remembered, I remembered. I remembered.” He kept repeating those words in hopes that he can convince Mathias and the punishment will not come. The world around him spun and he could not focus on what was about to happen.

Without warning, Mathias brought down his knife onto Hongbin’s hand which was still supporting him, his palm faced downwards. He shrieked out in pain as the knife tore his skin and his meat, tears flowing uncontrollably down his cheeks as his face twisted in anguish. The knife stood proudly, protruding out from Hongbin’s palm. He cannot believe his eyes, the knife was stuck onto his hand on the floor. There was not much blood, not until Mathias fleetly tore the knife out. A shrill pierced through the air, followed by heavy panting.

“Please stop, please, please, please,” Hongbin blabbered as he held onto his wrist, blood profusely oozing out of it. He was sure that his hand had a hole and he did not dare to look at what it had become. The pain had blanched his cheeks of his natural colour, his lips turned dry and his throat parched.

He was so busy weeping that he did not foresee a deranged Mathias lunging towards him with a knife, thrusting it to his hands. His mind was in a mess like a drawing of a baby; crayon markings criss-crossing each other, each line was sloppily drawn, almost perpendicular to most of the lines in a single piece of paper.

He was sure that he was hallucinating—his vision was just an illusion, black blotches like careless paint splattered on an artist’s work—when he was limping to the man on the floor with a knife clutched tightly onto his working hand. He was the one clasping the knife which was made for him - destined exclusively for him to murder someone. Not really, he was not the one holding the knife when he felt Mathias’s calloused hand wrapped around his which was in turn, barely grasping the knife. It felt like it would slip down his clammy hands, if it wasn’t for Mathias.

He felt the sudden friction and the increasing force applied to his hand, and slightly sticky and warm liquid spluttered on his face. Everything turned into a standstill.

_What…what happened?_

 

***

 

 

A peculiar man was sitting in a café which was allocated opposite the Mathias & Co. building. This time, his fringe was gelled to the side of his hair, brewing a professional aura instead of his typical bangs of a curtain which made him look mysterious and badass. Black Gucci sunglasses adorned his sculpture-like face, his sinewy body was hugged tightly by a white button up shirt tucked inside his formal black pants. He was ardently scrolling through his phone, frequently taking sips from his black coffee, bringing it up to his lips and then back down on the wooden table again.

He did not have any purpose of coming here today, just the usual cup of coffee from his favourite café. Just then, a lanky boy with a mask resting on his chin took a seat next to him.

“Hyung, what are you looking at?”

The man hummed in response and continued to scroll his screen. The boy sighed with the lack of response and subtly shifted his chair nearer to him, taking sneak peeks at the man’s phone screen.

The blonde wrinkled his nose in disgust and whined. “Hyung, it’s the weekend, why are you still working? What are you searching?”

Unlike the previous time, the man scowled, his eyes lifted from the screen and looked at his friend’s adorable expression. “I’m searching for more information about The 7th Sense.” He proceeded to focus on his escapade with Google, ignoring his friend’s protest.

“Hyung, I bought you your favourite book! Look!” He pestered the older one to look at him, grabbing onto his upper arm and shook it vigorously. Still, the older man continued to squint at his android, not giving any attention to the younger.

He pouted and scoffed. _Is the screen more interesting than me?_

“Hyung, look! Your parents are coming in to the café!” He pointed into thin air at a random direction towards the door. Yup, and that definitely made the older man jumped off his seat, looking around fervently.

“Zelo…” he growled when he realised that the younger boy was just pranking him. He gave him a pointedly look and took a sip from his cold coffee. The younger man, known as Zelo, sheepishly rubbed the nape of his neck and grinned at him. He should have known, the attention on him did not last long as he witnessed his friend fished out his phone, and once again continued scrolling.

Zelo let out a distorted sigh. He looked out of the window, distracted by what the view has to offer. Couples were walking hand in hand, going to cafés to have their breakfast. There was a ice cream stand nearby, families with children were crowding around it. Some parents were sulking because of the long queue which also lead to their kids whining about not having their ice creams, not to mention the blistering hot sun glaring at them. He smiled at the sight of the stressed parents, reminiscing his childhood especially when he begged his mother to buy his favourite chocolate ice cream for him.

He was spectating the crowd one by one. The facial expression on each parent amused him; some of them were smiling gently like their child’s whine did not affect them at all; some looked agitated, on the brink of exploding.

What caught his attention wasn’t the child who stuck his hands into the ice cream man’s ‘collection’ of ice cream but a certain black-haired Asian boy wearing a black turtle neck queueing in line. It was a rather hot day and yet, this boy was adorned in long sleeves, the turtle neck reaching his chin, as if it is winter _. And he is wearing black, oh god, someone save him!_ The idea of him wearing like that was just ridiculous to Zelo. How could anyone stand the hot sun? The boy looked oddly familiar, and he searched every nook and cranny of his brain, only to find nothing.

He shook his head, dismissing his thought of the Asian boy. Perhaps, it was just a figment of his imagination or just déjà vu. He shifted his gaze to his hyung who was still diligently working on his case. Sometimes, Zelo really hated his hyung’s assiduous trait. Just like a _machine_. Unfortunately, unlike machines, humans aren’t meant to last.

The mention about a case tugged at his heart, nevertheless, he cannot seem to point out why.

Suddenly, an image popped up in his head. And it occurred to him why that boy seemed familiar.

_Isn’t that… Hongbin?_

Zelo wanted to laugh. He wanted to laugh not because of his stupidity, but because, _why the hell is a murderer queueing up for ice cream?_

Hongbin is an enigma _._

Buying ice cream was such a simple and childish act, yet a suspect of the murder case was just casually queueing for ice cream on an _ordinary_ day? How ironic when he wasn’t that ordinary to begin with. If the rumours were true…

“Hyung…” Zelo shook the older man’s shoulders, his eyes still trained on the boy who was innocently counting the coins he just digged out from his pockets.

Thinking that the younger male was just calling him out for another prank, he ignored him.

“Hyung, it’s Hongbin, look!”

The man still did not budge, he would not fall for the trick again. He isn’t going to make a fool out of himself again. He scoffed at the thought of it.

“YONGGUK HYUNG! If you aren’t going to get Hongbin now, I will. This is our only chance!” As fast as he said this, Zelo rushed out of the shop in a flash, leaving a puzzled-looking Yongguk behind.

He trailed the direction that Zelo was brisk walking to (who was careful enough not to alert the boy) and noticed that, true to what Zelo said, stood Hongbin lining up for ice cream.

Yongguk blinked.

He did not expect Hongbin to be found easily, especially in a district like this. This is easy, he smirked and strolled out of the café in a pompous manner.

He walked in line with Zelo, stealthily parading up to Hongbin.

Hongbin felt the light tap on his shoulder. He knew it, he could feel it in his guts that someone was looking at him from afar. He had that kind of sixth sense and it told him that something is imminent. He knew it! Such an easy task like purchasing ice cream wasn’t that easy like how everyone managed to buy it without much complications.

“Are you Hongbin?” The two men dressed like competent businessman stood in front of him.

He nodded his head a bit hesitantly.

“How do you know my name?” He asked, befuddled. His head tilted to one side and Yongguk thought that it was _almost_ endearing.

“I am Commisioner Bang. We suspect that you are involved in a murder case which happened a week ago. We need you for questioning.”

“W-what are you talking about?” Bafflement clouded Hongbin’s face. If Yongguk and Zelo weren’t part of the police force, he would easily deceive them. Hongbin had the looks of a callow fellow – so naïve and innocent, so pure to the world and the twinkle in his eyes which would bamboozle anyone.

Hongbin had the urge to run away, but running away would meant that he is guilty and it would not solve his problem, so he stayed.

“Lying does not help,” Yongguk hissed. “It’s either you willingly come with us, or if you would rather, we bring you back by force.”

“B-but…” Hongbin’s voice faltered, his gaze fleeted to the ice cream a boy just purchased.

Zelo suddenly remembered that Hongbin was queueing for the ice cream and cupped his mouth. It isn’t the time to laugh.

Yongguk heard the muffled laughter behind him. One of his eyebrow rose quizzically as he turned back to find his subordinate, guffawing loudly, slapping onto his thighs as he held onto his stomach. He noticed his boss glaring at him and abruptly stopped, only to start howling again a few seconds later.

“Does this look funny to you?” Yongguk scowled.

“Hyung-”

Hongbin awkwardly cleared his throat, regaining the attention from the two young man, his face burning from embarrassment for what he was about to say.

“Emm…can I first get my ice cream before you take me away?”

Hongbin blinked. Yongguk facepalmed while Zelo giggled silently beside him.

 

 

“Where were you last Monday at 2am?”

“Sleeping, Comissioner Bang.”

He licked onto his ice cream, savouring it every time he took a bite. Oh, when was the last time he ate this? He was in cloud nine and nothing could rip him out of his bliss, albeit the boring grey room he is sitting in disturbed him. He knew the cameras are rolling, and he couldn’t care less.

“Who can vouch for you?”

Hongbin shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.

“Nobody.”

“Nobody?”

“Nobody. It’s late night, who will look at me at 2am when I’m fast asleep? That’s creepy.”

Hongbin faked a shiver and scowled. Yongguk sighed exasperatedly and took a glance at his watch before closing his document.

“We have the rights to detain you for 48 hours if there is nothing else you can offer,” Yongguk stated robotically, almost like he said this a thousand times. He slapped a pair of handcuff over Hongbin’s wrists, noticing a few scars on it, _like he was restrained before._

It probed Yongguk of so many questions. Did he belong to a gang? Was he abused and forced to kill someone? But then, why is he so calm about it?

Hongbin is a conundrum, and Yongguk love solving mysteries. One will start to question if this is a coincidence. Or is it really?

After all, lies can’t kill the _truth_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel very bad for always taking such a long time to update. I do not know why i'm always on writer's block, oh well. And i have so many submissions due this few weeks! It's a miracle that I even managed to write finish this chapter which i thought was quite short... I had to code a music app ugh, and i'm a newbie at it. God help me. 
> 
>  
> 
> P.S. Those who commented and kudos, I really appreciate it, it drives me to write more, and i'm thankful. thank you <3


	5. Moon Child (Part I)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, starting from the last part of chapter 3, everything went out of hand. I don't even know what I'm writing even haha! And yep, finally the long awaited finished chapter is up! I'm going to delete the previous post :) Hope you all enjoy this weird ass chapter anyway HAHA! 
> 
> Warning: there are a lot of grammatic error, I haven't have time to edit them.
> 
> Enjoy anyways :)

**The Silencer**

_We call the shots._

**Chapter 4: _Moon Child_**

“Reality is crushing. The world is a wrong-sized shoe. How can anyone stand it?”

― [Jandy Nelson](https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/2982266.Jandy_Nelson), [I'll Give You the Sun](https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/11409817)

 

 

“What’s your name?”

“You know what my name is.” Hongbin puffed up his cheeks. Why does the police always question questions that they already know?

“Just answer the damn question!” Commissioner Bang gritted his teeth in annoyance and banged the table. Not only was poor Jongup startled, but also the pencil he held flew and bounced onto the table. There was a haste dash on the paper that he has written on.

Hongbin pouted incautiously. “Lee Hongbin,” he replied indignantly.

“Age?”

“21.”

“Liar!”

“I’ve been told. Many people assumed that I’m 16,” Hongbin smirked, “but I’m 21.”

He glanced at the three detectives sitting in front of him; each of them giving him untrusting looks.

“Believe what you want, but nothing can change the facts,” he drawled. He looked at the clock hanged on the wall beside him, the second-hand ticking past each time he breathed.

“I don’t think I am here for you to ask me for answers that you already know. Just get straight to the point would you, Commissioner Bang?” he enunciated, sweeping his bangs to the side.

The young man who was previously giggling about Hongbin buying ice cream apparently is sitting beside Commissioner Bang busily typing on his laptop before pushing the laptop towards Hongbin.

“We will get to the point,” he cleared his throat before continuing, “We have discovered a clip of you walking into the club at around 2am. What are you doing there early in the morning?”

The screen on the laptop showed a black and white film from a CCTV outside the club. A man with a leather jacket and choker walked up to the bouncers, then taking out his ID card.

Hongbin froze. He fiddled his fingers and the grip in his chest tightened. He could feel the cold sweat threatening to spill down his forehead.

_Shit, how could I be so careless this time?_

“I told you, I was asleep at home,” he muttered, his throat parched.

This time, it was Commissioner Bang who spoke, hissing with displeasure.

“You have no one to vouch for you. How do you think we can trust that when we have evidence that clearly shows that you were at the club? You’ve got to lie better than that.”

“But who will see me sleep at 2AM?” Hongbin whined, “I was at the convenience store at around 12AM, the CCTV can vouch for me.”

“I don’t know, maybe your parents can vouch for you.” Zelo retorted sarcastically.

Commissioner Bang saw a sudden dark cloud above Hongbin and his mood dampens a little, it was as if the temperature dropped a few degrees. He raised his eyebrow, waiting impatiently for Hongbin’s answer.

“They are-,” Hongbin paused.

He almost screwed up again.

He clears his throat and looked at Commissioner Bang in the eye. “They are always not around. They are businessmen, do a lot of travelling…you know.”

“Any siblings?”

He hesitated for a while.

“No.”

“Which school do you go to?”

“I told you, I’m 21!”

Zelo opened one of the yellow files and slide out a card in a ziplock bag. He threw it to where it is reachable for Hongbin to see.

“Explain this.”

Hongbin brought his hands up from under the table and clutched onto the bag, taking look at the card. It was no doubt his ID card. He cringed a little at his mug shot at the side of the card.

“It is fabricated and has your name on it. Why?” Zelo sat back onto his metal chair and folded his arms.

“Emm…Of course my name is on it, it’s mine,” Hongbin’s voice drifted as he tried not to roll his eyes. Are they dumb, or dumb? Maybe neither of them.

“How did you fabricate it?” the commissioner rephrased his colleague’s mistake and scowled at the younger male. Zelo saw his pointed glares and pouted cutely.

Hongbin sighed inwardly, he knew there was no way out. Every evidence was pointed to him, he should try to avoid it as much as possible. Either ways, he will still get his punishment.

“Are you even sure the man in the CCTV is me? What makes you so sure it’s me? Why in the world will I even fake my ID just to get into the club when I can go in with my real ID?” He propped his head on his palms, eyes dimmed with boredom.

It was getting on Yongguk’s nerve. The boy loves answering questions with questions and it frustrates him a lot that they were getting nowhere. He had to do something. Standing up abruptly—much to everyone’s surprise—without much thought, he manhandled the boy’s collar, pulling him up effortlessly, forcing him to stand at an uncomfortable position.

“When we ask you a question, you give us answer. Don’t play psychology games with me by answering us with another set of questions, you got that boy?” He scorned as his grip tightened, his knuckles visibly turning white.

“Yongguk hyung!” Both Zelo and Jongup chorused, pulling their leader away from Hongbin by seizing his arm on both sides and forcing him to sit down. It took two of them to push the commissioner back into his seat as he struggled out of their vice-like grip.

“Calm down hyung, violence won’t force him to say anything,” Zelo whispered to the commissioner and patted his back for comfort. Yongguk grunted in response and frowned at Hongbin with utter disdain.

“If you don’t answer us properly, we will dig everything and, I mean every secrets out of you,” Yongguk growled, his nose flaring out of anger.

If Hongbin was apprehensive, he did not show it. Instead, he shrugged casually and laid back into his seat.

A sharp inhale was heard.

“You wore a turtle neck when it’s so fucking hot today. Why?” The commissioner’s two subordinate squirmed uncomfortably at his vulgar speech. He never uses vulgar words, unless he is aggravated. Both of them sneaked glances at him out of concern and a bit of fear of their strong leader.

“I don’t own many clothes, this is my only outfit left.” Hongbin murmured, feeling the heat rising up his neck, slightly humiliated and embarrassed.

It was the truth. He never owned much, most of the money were sent back to his parents so that they could live comfortably, which left him with almost absolutely nothing.

And he didn’t mind. At least his endeavour to earn more money kept him busy.

Kept him busy from drowning in his own thoughts. Loneliness was growing and it dug a space in his heart. It gets heavier day by day and he hopes that it doesn’t inundate.

Zelo looked at him as if he was insane. How could anyone live on one outfit? That is unbelievable. He saw a glimpse from the corner of his eyes that Yongguk seemed sceptical about the whole situation.

“Don’t you get allowance from your parents?”

Hongbin gulped gravely. He looked crestfallen; his eyes hollow, black hues forming below them. Yongguk could see that he was tired, but he saw how quickly he collected the pieces of himself – he’s wearing a mask.

From Yongguk’s experience, a mask is a very dangerous thing. Who knows what hides underneath that thick veil? It’s like this very Earth they are standing on. Everything looks so alluring, but as you get to know more about it one step at a time, it isn’t what it seems.

_Dirty and disgusting._

He recalled seeing the boy wearing white tattered and frayed sneakers and for the first time in a long while, Yongguk was abashed. His anger diminished; smothered into a dimly-lit fire before it burns out completely.

With nothing left to say, he stepped out of the room.

 

 

***

 

 

 

_Fear can’t hurt you any more than a dream._

Hongbin traced the words again and again, still deep in thoughts. He had gotten the book from the Commissioner, pleading him with his puppy eyes that he will rot to death in the lonely, cold prison if he have nothing with him.

_“Commissioner Bang, you can’t let me die before you find the perpetrator, right?” he said sweetly, almost like a porpoise-like voice which made the man with midnight blue hair, who was sitting beside the Commissioner taking notes arduously, cringe internally._

_The commissioner had the urge to roll his eyes, nevertheless, he managed to keep his stoic face. His gaze swept over Hongbin’s figure; from his hands that were clasped together (there was nothing else he could do with his hands, really, and he constantly forgets that there is a pair of handcuffs slapped onto his wrist until he tries to scratch his head), resting on the metal desk to the strand of hair which was falling out of place from his fringe._

_After what seemed like an eternity, he unknowingly frowned, combing his fringe to the back out of stress, only for it fall back into place. He motioned for the quiet man sitting beside him but he got no reaction out of him as the man continued scribbling notes fervently. It was laughable for Hongbin if he wasn’t in this situation, to see the almighty commissioner agitated by his team member._

_Commissioner Bang growled and snapped his fingers—to which the man jolted from his seat comically—and glared at him ferociously. The timid man stared back at him questioningly, looking like a lost child._

_Hongbin had to bite back his tongue to stop himself from laughing, his lips twitch uncontrollably no matter how much energy he used to force himself to maintain his resting bitch face._

_Commissioner Bang drew in a breath before he gritted his teeth and spoke, “Jongup, please. Take a book.”_

_The man named Jongup, stood up from his seat, the metal chairs screeched from the drag. He walked towards the door hesitantly and before he twisted the door knob, he turned back to scan Hongbin and then at the Commissioner himself._

_Jongup scratches the nape of his neck. “Emm… What kind of book do I get?” he asked awkwardly._

_The commissioner pressed onto the bridge of his nose and sighed in exasperation._

_“Any will do.”_

_The door slammed shut and the room, once again, was engulfed in silence. The commissioner cleared his throat before it was silent again for a moment. The piercing buzz of silence irritated Hongbin but he could not do anything to stop it. He had nothing to say to fill in the silence._

_He was almost relieved when he heard the commissioner spoke._

_“You better not try anything with the book. Consider yourself lucky that I’ve even decided to hand you one,” he said bluntly._

The truth was, Hongbin was used to the loneliness. It was the small room that he would be kept in that scares him. Before he stepped into the cramped area, he could already feel the anxiety gnawing in his chest like a cloth wrapped around his lungs tightening as seconds ticked by, preventing it from expanding much.

He felt trapped.

“Fear doesn’t hurt you. It is what you fear that hurts you,” he mumbled quietly to himself. Fear is just an emotion that wells up in a being, it isn’t something physical, like humans are.

Humans, Hongbin learnt, aren’t as uncomplicated as we think they are. They look like books - simple from the outside. It isn’t until once you start reading them that you realised how intricate the story is.

In books, stories twist and turn as it comes to the end. Likewise for humans, the more you know them—the more you read them—the more you know their demons.

_Complicated on the inside._

Humans are complicated beings. They are always filled with uncertainties and emotions; they are like the stomach—swirling with digestive juices, never knowing when you will get a stomach upset—and Hongbin hates it. He hates how unpredictable they are.

Fickle, and weak.

Humans are also a walking paradox. One moment they are smart, and the next thing you know, they do something awfully stupid. They say and do contrasting things, which makes them undoubtedly uncertain.

Weak.

Yet doubtlessly dangerous.

It is approximately 12AM. And Hongbin wonders if Xander is searching for him now. He must have tracked him to know enough about his whereabouts. Guess he would have to face punishments when he gets back.

He rests the book on his lap and stretches his legs out onto the floor. The moon hung brightly outside, although Hongbin could not really witness the picturesque view, he was able to enjoy the light shimmering through the window.

It was breath-taking.

It isn’t all that beautiful. It isn’t like Bora Bora that Hongbin saw on Google, it is like The Great Wall or Colosseum. Plain but attractive.

Dull, yet exhilarating.

He is grateful for the moon. Perhaps, it can keep him company throughout the night, it’s light illuminating with warmth, embracing Hongbin. Hongbin wishes he could stop time at this moment so that he could see the spherical moon emanating its beauty.

But neither the moon shines forever nor time ever stops.

The moon must set for the sun to rise. Tomorrow will still arrive, no season or day last forever.

 _Then_ , Hongbin thinks, _will darkness last forever?_

Will he open his eyes the next morning, or will he live in darkness forever?

After all, he has always been walking on wire and as compared to vast darkness that can never be obliterated, his life is a fickle thing that Hongbin is quite apprehensive that he might never open his eyes ever again.

Darkness is like an infinite tunnel, it ceased to end and it fails to begins. That is why when the sun starts to set and darkness begins to envelope him, he starts to worry.

Because the darkness always chases after him, and every single time, Hongbin is never fast enough to reach the light.

That is why he hates the darkness, because he knows he can never escape it.

It is a dead end.

***

Yongguk had his head held low, almost faceplanting onto the table. He didn’t know how to face his team for walking out. The silence was deafening, yet no one sounded out. They knew their leader was crushed and they talked in hush whispers out of respect to their leader who looks like he is digging an imaginary hole on the table.

Currently, they were sitting on the round table in the kitchen, sipping onto their beloved latte.

“What should we do, hyung?” Daehyun sounded out his worry, “For some reason, he kind of look shady. He is obviously lying about something.”

There was a pregnant silent. The members of B.A.P stared at the leader, waiting for his reply.

Yongguk groaned and pushed himself off the table knowing that his members are waiting for him to reply.

“We have to find out more about him and hit him in the weak spot,” he drawled, “for now, we would just have to question him.”

“But he doesn’t even answers any of questions properly,” Himchan grumbled as he stirred his latte. “So uncooperative.”

“Dig his background and aggravate him more seems like the only option,” Youngjae stated while scrolling his phone, occasionally taking sips to his cappuchino. The others nodded sleepily with no intentions of giving any more ideas.

“For starters, we can ask him about his scars on his wrist. Where and how did he get those.” The eldest of the men spoke.

“I saw those too! I wonder where he could have gotten those scars. Is he an ex-convict? They look like handcuff marks.” Zelo spoke aloud.

Jongup quickly interrupted while flipping through the files. “That can’t be it. If he was an ex-convict, there should be some information about him.”

“He’s right, there should be some past records about him, but he is clean. Too clean,” Yongguk sighed, standing from his seat, “In fact, it’s almost like he didn’t exist for more than 10 years. He hopped off the grid from 2007 and there’s no news about him."

"He is so weird," Zelo muttered, shaking his head. The atmosphere plunged into ephemeral silence which lead to Yongguk thinking, were they back to square one? They had spent years following up on all these murder cases, nevertheless they were always back to where they started. It was getting tiring, and they knew, they cannot fail this time.

"Let's start by searching for all the school's database..." his voice trailed off, he did not know how to continue, there was nothing much they can do at the moment, even if they kept him for 48 hours.

"We should ask more about his parents too. Seemed like a really touchy subject," Himchan continued, shrugging a little as the boys turned their heads to face him.

"Oh, you noticed too, hyung?" Daehyun commented sarcastically. The rest of the boys bar Himchan and Yongguk snickered while Himchan glared at them with a deadpanned expression.

"Alright," Yongguk sighed as he threw away his styrofoam cup into the nearest dustbin, "Himchan, Daehyun, let's go get him."

The three of them walked briskly along the lowly-lit passageway—there was no need to frequent these holding areas anyway since it's their colleagues' responsibilities during the day time—and turned their heads to speculate each cell briefly. Most of the cells were vacant, it is difficult to see which cells are occupied despite the leader's spectacular eyesight. He admits, there was barely any lights and makes sure to get more installed.

As they scooted towards the dark cell along the passageway, they squinted at the dark figure near the gates. Without much thought given, it took a millisecond to figure that it is Hongbin slouching in one corner. No, he is not really slouching; his body was taut, his head tilted to the side, one of his legs propped up. Strolling closer to him, Yongguk could hear soft whimpering, the shadow shaking a little. He did not know what to think of. Was he crying?

Yongguk exchanged looks with Himchan who in turned quirked his eyebrow and shrugged. Hastily, Yongguk hauled the keys out and stealthily opened the gates, careful not to alert the boy. Much to his relief, the boy did not move an inch. He motioned for Himchan to wake him. With a nod, the younger man towered over the temporary prisoner. He reached out his hand and was close to tapping his shoulders.

“Wake-

Without even time to react, Himchan was thrown over. Hongbin is up in a fighting stance, his eyes dazed and frenzied, yet it was so cold that Himchan almost flinched. He was about to punch Himchan in the ribs which is powerful enough to break them when the Commissioner drove him up the wall, pinning him in a chokehold.

“Hongbin!” Yongguk growled into his ear as Hongbin struggled to break free. But Hongbin was not listening. In another world, in another dimension, he heard someone calling him in a distant. He wanted to respond, but no, he cannot. He cannot because fear was gripping him in a vice-like grip, panic settled in his stomach. It was choking him and he needed to eradicate the enemy.

Kill or to be killed, a voice whispered.

Before he could lash out, someone shook him hard and called his name harshly. Hongbin faltered for a split second, and he was suddenly back into the very Earth they are standing on. He saw Himchan standing near the wall, supporting himself like he was in pain. He was about to open his mouth to speak, but nothing came out of his lips but a pathetic croak before he realised that someone was holding him in a chokehold. He clawed at the muscular arm who was pinning him to a broad chest too much for his liking.  

“Let me…go,” he choked, gasping for air.

“What’s happening? Why is he like this?” Himchan spoke, rubbing his back from the pain of the fall.

Yongguk did not know how to respond, but he knew that this was an instinctive reaction. Hongbin attacked first without knowing it himself, without even opening his eyes. He saw it in his eyes – cold and unresponsive. Deep down, he knew something was very wrong with this boy, but he pushed those worries away. He needed to take care of the boy first.

Slowly, Hongbin’s energy begin to seep out, and so does the fight in him after he realised why he was held in a chokehold. He was the one who hurt Himchan! How could he not know it?  He stopped clawing, letting his arms drop to his sides. He went limp, disoriented and leaned onto the Commissioner.

The Commissioner did not let go, afraid that if he were to, the boy would strike out again. He assessed the situation before slowly loosing his grip. He could pick up the slight fear and contrite in the boy’s eyes. For a few minutes, no one made any vivid movements, no one spoke. They could only hear the harsh breathing coming from the younger boy.

The Commissioner waited for him to calm down. He was about to speak and demand what the hell happened, but the boy was faster.

“I’m so sorry!” he stood up and bowed at Himchan, despite his shaky legs, “are..are you okay?”

He looked like he was about to collapse, considering how pale his face was and his legs were like jelly which might give out anytime soon, yet here he was, bowing and asking if Himchan was okay. Yongguk did not know whether to laugh or cry.

On a spur of the moment, his subconscious reminded him that Hongbin is a killer, a monster who killed more than his fingers could count. Why is he pitying him? Was it because he was young? Or was it because he looked so innocent? Anyhow, he is still a killer, so Yongguk forced his feelings away.

Yongguk cleared his throat and took out his handcuffs and proceed to slap it on the boy’s wrist. He could feel the boy starting to panic, slight terror painted on his face.

“What-

“Come along.” Then, he looked pointedly at the cuffs and sighed. “It’s for your own good.”

Resignation and grim crept on the boy’s face. He knew better than to reject.

It’s going to be a long day.

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: you are reading an unedited version, there is no edited one yet :P
> 
> Author's note:
> 
> Hey guys! This is my first time writing a fanfiction, although i wrote one before last time but i discontinued it as i took a long hiatus, which in fact made me lost the feels of writing it. My english isnt very good, do bear with me. This story was inspired by VIXX's error, chained up and voodoo - not that the story is gonna be something like the MV, the story is my imagination and I do not owe any artist mentioned in this story, just owning the story :)
> 
> I never really wanted this story to be a fanfiction to be honest. But after much consideration, I realised that VIXX's Hongbin suited the story that im planning to write. The whole story takes place in America, hongbin may be Korean, but he lives in America.
> 
> Digress a bit, I may not update frequently as im having big exams this year, and also writing depends on my mood - whether i feel like writing or not. My mind is full of imaginations, its just hard to put them into words. Really hope you guys will enjoy this story ^^ do support me! thank you ;)
> 
> Anyway, going back to the story, I had to admit that the first part of the story and naming "Panic!" as the bar is a really weird thing... I meant it's cool and catchy, but that's the lamest joke I added in there, should I omit it? I think I should ... Do let me know in the comments below ! And do VOTE if you like the story already :) and also, im not sure how to use this site yet, can we actually italics words here? Do comment if you know :D
> 
> This story can also be found in Wattpad under whileibreatheihope :)
> 
> Peace,  
> thelostplanet
> 
> **NOTE: Some of you might wonder why i only tag Lee Hongbin, well, i have not thought of which artist to add. For now, i've created my own new characters. I may add other artist in too :) Comment below if you have anyone in mind! I don't owe any artist stated here, i only owe the story and the characters i made myself, thanks ;)


End file.
